Communism Is
by Ashynarr
Summary: Ivan and Yao should really remember that Alfred isn't nearly as dumb as he acts, not to mention a master pranker.
Communism Is (Hetalia)

Author: Ashynarr

Summary: Ivan and Yao should really remember that Alfred isn't nearly as dumb as he acts, not to mention a master pranker.

Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

Warning: Oneshot, humor, no communists were harmed in the making of this fic

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"Do you always have to go out of your way to insult my government during meetings?" Yao asked dryly, causing Matthew and Alfred to look up from the drawings they'd been meticulously working on.

Though they weren't necessarily artists, it was fairly obvious just what the doodles were commentating on. The back of their meeting schedules now hosted, among other things, a bear Putin (identified by the slavic text and the lack of shirt with the pants) trying to hide all his CCCP plans in a cave, a beaver Harper gnawing down a rope holding up an anvil reading 'good riddance', and the glorious Chairman Meow standing right underneath a dark cloud of smog while declaring that commewnyasum would fix everything.

"It's not like we're picking on you in particular," Matthew replied reasonably. "Al and I make fun of everyone, especially our own politicians."

"And yet you keep coming back to mine and Russia's suspiciously often."

"Well, your guys make it easy, don't they?" Alfred shrugged. "You seriously should see the amount of shit comics I've got at home on "The U.S. has become a dumping ground" Donald "People are praying for me" Trump at this point, though. Guy's like, more evil than communism, fascism, and tofu turkeys all in one."

"Do you even know what communism is about?" Yao asked.

"Uh, duh, sorta fought a not-war with a guy over it for about fifty or so years," The local superpower replied, eyebrow raised.

"And yet you never understood it," Ivan inserted, having made his way over after he'd heard the fringe of the conversation. "Then again, with all that ego in your skull I doubt you have much room for actual brains."

"Hey, I totes know what communism is!" The American protested, lips dipping down into a frown. "It's that show on NBC about a community college!"

The room went quiet, anyone who'd been listening in just stopping whatever they were doing to stare at him. Even Matthew, who'd been certain his brother was just going to defend his rather thorough knowledge of governmental systems, was somewhat blindsided by the obvious fail.

Then the American turned to him, looking for all the world like he was confused as to why everyone else was confused, but those eyes had such a fucking gleam of satisfaction that he knew his twin knew exactly what he was doing and was entirely pleased with himself. And not only that, he was daring Matthew to take up the challenge, something the Canadian should have refused right there, but, well, it was fairly harmless, and the meeting was a bit boring…

...so sue him, he wasn't a fan of Ivan, so anything to make fun of him would be worth it.

"Al, you're thinking of Community. Communism is obviously that birth control you slide over a penis or insert into a vagina."

This time it was impossible to miss the several soft and not-so-soft snerks around the room even as Ivan and Yao's faces blacked out on them. Alfred and Matthew fistbumped under the table while keeping up the most confident expressions they could.

"C'mon, dude, even I know those're condoms," Alfred replied, shaking his head in despair at his brother's cluelessness. "Anyways, I remember it this time - communism's where you travel to and from work everyday."

Matthew would have replied and continued the joke, but Oz beat him to it, apparently having picked up on what they were doing. "Nah, mates, that's a commute. Communism's when you pay an artist to draw something for you!"

Alfred and Matthew could barely hide their grins now, especially seeing as their southern friend couldn't, but gave up trying after Gilbert's reply. "C'mon, that's a commission. I know from good experience that communism is a high ranking officer."

More than a few Nations were trying not to laugh now, recognizing the game for what it was, and even if Ivan and Yao had caught it, they could hardly start to chastise the twins when the rest of the world seemed to be on the younger nations' side. Even those less prone to laughter were holding back smiles at this point, which had them bump fists again.

"Nah, that's a commander; communism's that Italian improv theater with the masks and stock characters!" Mathias added, leaning forward so earnestly it almost offset the shit-eating grin he was wearing.

"You idiot, that's commedia dell'arte," Lovino rolled his eyes, glancing at his brother as he added, "Communism's obviously what you use to strain pasta."

"No, Lovi, that's a colander!" Feliciano corrected, right on the ball with his reply. "Communism's obviously one of Alfred's states, yeah?"

"Dude, that's Connecticut, get it right," The American took the opportunity to jump back in. "Communism's when you share ideas and news with someone."

"Alfred, I know I raised you better than this," Arthur sighed from several seats down, and for a brief moment the twins wondered if he was going to stop the game early, especially since he didn't seem amused like the rest.

Their fears were unfounded, however, as a small grin twitched on his lips even as he replied, "That is obviously communication, whereas communism is an electronic device that stores and processes data."

Alfred and Matthew gave up, leaning against each other while they failed to muffle their laughter behind their hands. Others didn't even bother with that much, filling the room with their amusement even as Ivan and Yao gave up on everything and stormed out of the room. Even if they'd get in trouble with their bosses later for the stunt, it was so worth it just to have everyone bonding over making fun of a rather sucky form of governance.

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AN: If you aren't on tumblr, then you probably have no idea where this is from, for which I apologize. If you ARE on tumblr, then you know exactly where this is from and are probably laughing along with it. It's short, yeah, but I think it's just the right length to keep it from feeling purposefully drawn out, and ends on just the right note.

Remember kids, when in doubt, start throwing people off balance to gain the high ground.

(And yes, I know other governments suck too.)


End file.
